To: Madam Lee
Ang Mo Kio Secondary School Green Club
Format is accurate. Good.
From: Jordan Teoh
3rd April 2014
Proposed activities for educational trip on environment conservation
Introduction: Thank the teacher-in-charge, and convey the idea that the suggestions have been thought through carefully.
Good. It is important to convey that effort has been put into the suggestions.
Supporting Paragraph 1: 'Young Naturalist Adventure', because outdoor and hands-on preferred to typical classroom activity. This breaks the monotony of learning, and offers a wider field experience than a 'wireless learning trail' or 'prawn and fish demo'.
Good that you compared the chosen activity against the others. This then convinces me why one activity is better than the others.
Supporting Paragraph 2: Nature walks - natural lesson on the environment and students see what they do not usually see. This places students in the real-world context of learning.
I am not entirely sure of the difference between Nature Walks and 'Young Naturalist Adventure'. Be explicit on their differences, or propose distinctly different activities. Otherwise, these will just be considered as a single activity.
Supporting Paragraph 3: Inspire students to do more for the environment through interest.
Careful elaboration is needed for Supporting Paragraph 3. You need to tell me how these activities appeal to the students' interests in the first place.
Supporting Paragraph 4: Enhances the students' knowledge on ways to care for the environment given Singapore's unique biodiversity, and the significance of doing so.
Good. You addressed Singapore's unique biodiversity, and in doing so you make the chosen activities for your Green Club targeted and specific to your peers.
Conclusion: Summarize the points, and thank the reader for the attention.
(No need to sign)